A look into 2009

Gosh, time flies so quickly. It seems like just 3 months ago when I saw the fireworks at the countdown in Sunway. And now, its time for another countdown. Did time fly past because I was too busy doing stuff rather than enjoying life? Or did it just whiz by because I was living in my own land.

But whatever it is, I realized that I wasted a big part of the year feeling miserable. I was down but I know that I need to put in an effort to pick my self up. And I did put in lots of heart space into pampering my self and making 2009 yet another year to remember!

Just like all newspapers have their most memorable events of the year, here are mine too. In no specific order.

1. Going to Japan. Something I dreamed of and somewhere I could only watch on TV. But
touching down in Japan was the happiest moment of 2009. The lovely memories. I will
be back in Japan again!!

2. Seeing snow for the first time in Japan. It doesn't snow in Tokyo but somehow, a
few flakes fell and it was just stunningly beautiful. Nature is so perfect and
magical.

3. Completing my diploma in Tan Tock Seng Hospital in Singapore in Clinical Hypnosis.
It is something that will lead me to a good future and at least, my wish for
studying abroad was sort of fulfilled.

4. Meeting good friends. Some became my mentors, some my confidantes, some my guardian
angels and some who are just wonderful to be around with.

5. Climbing up Gunung Batur. The volcano on Bali. Never would I have thought I could
achieve that feat ... its a great challenge and it proves that when you want to do
it, you can do it!

6. Great outings with friends and families, the dinners, movies, parties, chit- chats
that will always be appreciated.

7. Zorbing, ab-sailing ...... little thrills that I would never forget.

8. A trip to Hong Kong. Though hot and I ended in a HK police station and came back in
a wheel chair .... it was truly an long needed break.

9. Being a chee- mui for Sue Yee and joining her entourage to Sandakan. It was fun ...
planning the games to trash the boys and I got my little share of sight- seeing too!

10. Having a milestone challenge at the end of 2009. It gives me the drive, toughens
me up and braces me for the big big world out there.

11. A lovely break with friends in Genting. It was raining and oh so cold. I really
enjoyed the chat with a friend as we shiverred outdoors. Crazy but serene.

12. Having a road trip and bbq by Port Dickson. Catching la-la and playing on the
pebbly beach. We just never get tired of outings with friends.

13. A 10 year anniversary since my highschool graduation. We still keep in touch and
meet up for drinks .. but boy, how time flies and we are all different and grown
up.

14. Falling in love with music, my friends, my family, puppies and over grown puppies,
food, fun, exploration.

My pick me ups!

When I am down and out, it doesn't take much to make me happy again. We sometimes need a good cry and sometimes, perhaps to binge on a tub of ice cream (gosh, is that why I am growing so fat lately?).

But at my lowest and darkest moments, my friends have been there to pick me up. A short phone call or a cute picture brightens me up. A sms or a nudge on msn does wonders to my otherwise dreadful day at work.

I couldn't be more than grateful for my friends and family who have done so much for me .... I guess you guys are what that kept me sane! Thanks a bunch!

And the latest boost that I received on one of those down days .... (drumrolls!!) ... Instant snow all the way from Sweden!! Thanks Johan!!

And happy belated Christmas everyone!!

Random thought #3

I need a holiday and I need a break. I want to go somewhere different and not care about the things going on around me. I don't want familiarity but I am worried about security. I want to do something memorable and not regret my decision.

I want to jet off to somewhere far away and be amazed by the culture. I want to see things that I have only watched on TV. I want to taste cuising from the most authentic kitchen and I want to hear words that I can't pronounce.

I want to be alone yet I want to be with close friends. I want silence yet I need music. I am confused and I am trapped. I want to open up and see the world. I want to explore .... any takers?

Is there ever an escape?

Looks like however positive I try to be, the energy just gets sucked right out. What ever I do to help my self right now, it will be rudely interrupted. There is only one thing I can do now ... drop my bag and run !! But I can't do it now .... but the bag is getting heavier and heavier, its becoming a burden both mentally and physically.

When I decide to pamper my self and get away, when I do what ever it takes to take leave, I still get rudely harrassed. What does it mean that 'it is alright that you go on holiday but the rest of the world is working and you have to pick up your phone?' How ridiculous can that comment get? How much longer can I take this nonsense. Yet, for other reasons, I have to struggle on.

How else can I keep myself happy? How else can I stay afloat and not let it affect my life?

Ways to pamper yourself

We always think of spas, distant vacations, buying a new gadget or indulging in some 5 star dessert. I know I've always said this but never really got to doing it.

I checked into Westin KL. Yup, I became a tourist in my own home city. The year has been rough for me and stress has been piling up as well. So now, seeing that its the festive season, I need to bring cheer into my own life and pamper myself too. No one is more precious than ME! If I don't treat myself well, then no one would.

So off I went to KL. Did some shopping in Lot 10, Sg Wang area ... something which I have not done in ages. Then checked into the hotel. Did some 'oohing' and 'ah-ing' in my hotel room and went for a swim. The water was super salty, but I suspect that the water was treated as my skin felt so smooth after that. Then soon after, it was dinner time back in KL with friends (sigh, the traveling), and finally back to the hotel for some beauty snooze .. Well, Westin is famous for their 'heavenly bed'!

The next morning, I went for another dip in the pool ... and came out silky smooth (hmm, I must bathe in salt water). Time really flew ..though I did not have enough of the 5 star luxury, I had to check out. Went for lunch with my folks in Saisaki Jap buffet across the street. Yum yum, first I pampered my mind and body, then I pampered my tummy.

I would seriously recommend this kind of retreats to anyone.

Who do I believe?

You know at times, some people say Vanilla ice cream is good for you. But sometimes chocolate flavour will make you feel happier. Yet your stomach craves for mint flavoured ice- cream. So which flavour would you take.

Trust me, those who asks you to take vanilla or chocolate would not harm you and give you bad advice. But you trully know that ice-cream makes you fat. Yet your mind is considering whether to take a scoop to satisfy the cravings or whether to trash it down the bin and waste the hard researched for Baskin Robin's secret recipe. People around might be putting in laxative, wishing to trap you .... eesh eesh eesh, life is indeed scary.

Yes, there really are so many decisions in life to make. Important ones. Take one wrong bite and your future might be messed up. Ones that will either make you or break you. Unless of course you want to live the life of an ice- cream vendor just happily ringing his bell as he rides his bell through the neighbourhood.

10 years on ...

In 1999, I can still hear the final bells of school at 3.15pm. Finally done with high school. And at that time while I was dressed in my pinafore with white shoes, grey tie and shiny name tag, I thought I was all grown up and ready to face the world.

Now 10 years later, here I am thinking, wow! ... time flies. In a blink of an eye and it has been a decade. I am really grown up? Am I really free? So much has happened in between. Shit happens, and so has joy and pride. I had my braces done, had wonderful vacations, had my first job, had a few accidents and had unforgettable moments with friends. So can I say it was a 10 year period well spent? Well .... I am not sure but I know I did learn a lot.

In 1999, I still remember all of us in school uniform in Form 5 at the corner classroom on the 3rd floor all looking down from the balcony and taking a group photo. And here we are now, gathered in a wedding dinner of one of the 'gang', acting like excited little children again, REUNITED. It isn't as if we dont meet up occasionally or it isn't as if FB was never invented. But it was a lovely occasion with our form teacher present too! Thanks Zhi Yang!

Though only about half the class was present, it felt like 1999 again. I can't wait for our Get-together in February !


Yup, it was late and only a few crazy people like us stayed behind and chatted away till the cleaners sort of 'chased' us off.

Random though # 2

Here I am listening to Christmas Carols while sitting under the air conditioning ..... and I think ... 'Wouldn't it be nice if I get to experience a cold winter Christmas day?'
I want the break, I want the peace of Christmas and the magic of the season .

hmm, if winter were to come to Malaysia and the weather be cold, what is the rest of the western world be like? Frozen?

But anyway .... there is something in Christmas carols that makes you feel in love. Go try it out!

Exams are done!

Whee! Finally the exams are over. My diploma with Tan Tock Seng Hospital...quite a big name in Singapore and I am so dying to get my results. Sometimes, the wait form the results is even worse than the exams itself. Or so I can say so right now ..

I don't know what is it with me but I tend to put myself in curfew when exams are around the corner. Though I don't study, I just feel the need to stay home and 'pretend' to be studying. So who am I cheating? Myself? hehe ... No outings with friends, no luxurious times loitering in malls or no chill out sessions in front of the TV. In fact, I don't even have time to blog much. But once in a while .. I do get tired of 'jailing' my self and tend to go on guilt trips.

But now ... at least not for another 4 months, I don't have to worry about exams. I am free I am free. .. and although I am all alone in Singapore, I feel great. I haven't had time to walk around a mall or just to browse around at a book shop here. I havent had the chance to chill out in my hotel room and just watch serials on TV. I haven't felt so relaxed just lying here and doing nothing.

Although its midnight, I don't want to go to sleep .... I just want to relax and do nothing ......... ah, the little luxuries of life!

In the Prime Minister's Office

Is it worth all these hassles? Endless of heart attacks, hours of frustrations, moments where you reach the tipping point or even thoughts that race through your mind that is so terrible that it should not be repeated.

I am tired and I don’t want to go. I don’t want to meet anyone or I don’t want to smile when I don’t feel like. I cant put on a fake front or act ‘plastic’ as well as some people do. I’d rather have a peace of mind and stay in my humble world where the people are sincere and are out there for the benefit of others. NOT in a world where people are selfish, insensitive and down right greedy.

Well, at least I have a story in which I can tell my grandchildren. Yes, I worked my ass off, fried my brains and possible have my mind screwed up and all I got was a chance to meet the Prime Minister, and some very lovely royalties as well. It was a good experience, walking into the posh Putrajaya, being escorted up the lift, passing by rows of body guards and following protocols just to sit down. Then there was protocol of asking permission to speak or for permission to go to the toilet (yes, you will be escorted there too).

I’m too darn tired to mention what the whole event was but all I know is that I am proud to have been in the prime minister’s office, over looking the whole Putra jaya. I am darn proud to have rubbed shoulders with some people really high up on the hierarchy and glad to sip tea with them in an after event. Yet … I am pissed off enough to want to forget the whole incident and not event leave a space in my mind for it.

Random thought #1

I was just thinking, wouldn't it be nice if there is a McDonalds outlet here in Phileo Damansara as well? Then lunch times won't be so boring. And I can get all the fries in the world .... and our days would become happier!

Why do you think Happy Meal was invented?

But then again ... how fat would I be then? 150 kgs with love handles everywhere?
But the urge is just to strong .... bah, and by the time I order delivery, my fries would be soggy and squishy!

I am my destiny

Yup... I am still in this rut. And its getting bigger and bigger by the day. Its not only affecting me but this pandemic is seriously spreading. Its only a matter of time when it blows. Or there will come a time where the test tube holding the virus will break and all hell will spill over. Then it would be so much fun to watch the after effects.

People around are suffering but everyone wants to be happy and live stress free ... then it hit me. We are our own destiny. We can choose to take the shit either negatively or positively. Or perhaps we can take the shit when we are supposed to, and after our duty ... your shit is yours. My life is mine and its fresh and smells nice ...... bah!!

So ... I have responsibility over how I feel. Shut the stress out and do the things that I truly enjoy. Going out with friends, pigging out on good food, pampering myself with massages, listening to music or just sweating it out. Yup, life is short! So enjoy!

In my mind

I am seriously considering ... is it all good for me? I am willing to risk my health and happiness? Is all the stress worth it? Is it really worth me pushing on for something which is not mine?

I am not even appreciated where I am. Why am I slogging on so much? Why am I trying my best? Why am I doing things that are against my principle? Why have I become so different? Why did I wake up so late in my life? Why have I wasted all these time?

It is not only yours, but my reputation as well. I have a life to live. I have a name that I want to keep clean. I have a stand that I want to take. I have a brain that can think what is right or what is wrong. And I have a right to be me.

The world is big out there. Why should I be limited here? Why did I think that you can give me so much. Why did I agree to be stuck in this rut? Why am I going in this direction? I want to jump and I want to fly. I want to leave you and see you die ...(wahaha it rhymes)

I need fun!

Good thing is, I know that I am going to blow. Inside of me feels like there is a ticking bomb, and if I don't go and release some tension, it might blow!!!! And this time, it might be nasty .... just like a rubber band. If you stretch it too much, it might bounce and hurt you bad!

So time for some fun ... had a great time partying with the girls last week! Really it was a night to remember ... can't wait till the photos comes out. Watched a nice movie to laugh away the blues as well as ate lots to fill a happy tummy! But it could not beat Zorbing!!

Went to Titiwangsa to play with a pair of balls. Nice round ones hehe ..... so much fun! It was a really good experience with lots of laughter and release of pressure ... let the picture speak for itself!

Have I found me?

I did an oracle card reading the other day, with the current situation I am in, and a card just popped out. CHILDREN!! At first sight, I thought, will my life be bugged by children? will I have children soon?

But in actual fact, it is a call to tend to my inner child. True, I have been neglecting it. Its time I paid attention to it and spend time for myself. Then when I did the reading again, I drew cards ... Signs, Balance and Body Care. They seem to relate so well to the issue I have on hand.

So yup, here I am disclosing my findings as I want to do things for myself. I want to change and become Joyce again. I felt that I have lost the human in me. And these few days ... I have been enjoying life. Doing things that I like and doing stuff that makes me satisfied. I now know that I have to sacrifice to get the best out myself .... and it doesn't hurt to pamper myself a little!

Longing for a break

Here I am on my off day, tired like a pooped out puppy and don't seem to get enough sleep. But yet, I have to work. Off days are like working-from-home days for me. Yes, I am married to my job, not out of love, but sort of a forced marriage. A marriage where I might just demand a divorce at any time.

Its amazing, me, of all people don't feel like eating but only have cravings for carbonated drinks. Why am I so thirsty? I hate to say it but being a therapist, I know what the signs are and what this is leading to ... and I cannot let it happen. I don't want to end up like a rotten piece of junk.

Its not a very nice feeling, both in my head and my body. My mind seems to be fading away. My memory is horrible, I can read right, when speaking ... my grammar goes out, while typing this, my spelling is bad (don't go searching for the mistakes, I have spell checks). I can ask my friend this minute where he wants to go for lunch and the next minute, I am asking the same thing again. Oh no! Is it dementia? Can you imagine I forgot to put sugar in my morning coffee and even forgot to flush the toilet? eeks ....!! Its bad.

I was so stressed and tired today that I had to pamper my self with retail therapy! And I bought a few books (busted my purse and I'm so far away from home). But my favorite buy was a motivational quote book with pictures of puppies. And puppies never ceases to make me smile! How adorable! And this quote said ... 'Learning to ignore things is one of the greatest path to finding inner peace.'

I will live to that! I really need the time of to rest my brain (it strains now for no reason). I need time to just lie there and stare at the ceiling. I need the space to just do the things that I like and just get bored! oh, how I am longing for that to come!

The red saree

I love Indian stuff. The food, the clothes, the accessories etc. I've always wanted a saree but never had a real reason to buy one. I always end up in punjabi suits. Yet, I am still amazed by the beauty and elegance of a saree.

Then the perfect opportunity came ... it was Tan Sri's birthday party (and a whole lot more, the launch of a Mahadevan Harvard Fellowship, the awarding of the Brand Laureate Mahathir award) but the high light was still the dressing up.

And I've got to thank my friends for this. They accompanied me down to Klang's little India to buy the perfect saree. I've also got to thank YouTube for teaching me how to tie a saree. I am so proud of the outcome. So happy that I actually own a piece of art.


And the happiest part of it all? Being praised! I may be narcisistic but thanks to all my friends for the sweet words. It also feels nice when a total stranger in the dinner walked up to me and said I looked nice & it was good to see a Chinese girl in a saree ... hehe, this might call for my addiction of another traditional costume.

The best part of it? My Indian friends will teach me how to tie other designs, the most important one being the sexy style.

My favorite month

I’m addicted to August! August is definitely a good month … and there is more of it to come! It’s the time to max out my fun and the time to enjoy life to the fullest. Hmm….. now I amt thinking hard how I spent my August in 2008? But its ok …. I live in the present and I plan for more thrill in the future. Life is short, so enjoy!

The month started with a trip to Genting. And it was a very refreshing start! So cold … so much laughter and so many crazy events. Then there were dinners and shopping trips and just meet ups over the weeks.

Not to forget the little trip to Port Dickson. Its our first outstation trip with the gang, true! It was so much fun! Well … the beach there sucked, can you imagine walking on pebbles instead of sand? Never ever will I dip my head in a sea full of mud! But it was still a beach after all with breeze, a sunset and a peaceful scenary.


And when the sun came down, our hunger went up. BARBEQUE!!!! Yum yum … lots of work but lots of fun! We practically brought everything from KL here just for the 4 hours of fun. Well, eating burnt food, snapping photos and just sitting there by the beach while gossiping is more than worth it. Did I mention that I love August?

The events doesn’t stop there! Its karaoke night!! Great plans with great people! The night started with some kiddish fun in the arcade, shooting bad guys and popping bubbles …. Ah, those were the days. Then there was 6 hours of singing/ screaming and dancing in the little K room. Tiring ….. but well worth the effort. But even at 3am, it was too early to end the day … I don’t grow a year older everyday. So it was drinks again till the morning …. Hehe dammit …. I forgot I had to go to work the next day.

It can happen to anyone of us

You should be thankful when you wake up every morning. And thankful again when you go to sleep at night, knowing that you have led a healthy day. Who cares if your day was crap or full of stress? The good thing is that you know you have a mind to think on, a healthy body to bring you home and perhaps enough energy to climb onto your bed.

Perhaps now I know why dogs like to make a few circles and rounds before slopping down on their spot to sleep and let out a contented and sleepy moan. Perhaps its their way of saying, 'I am satisfied with my day, thank you.'

You'll never know what may happen to you tomorrow. You might sleep soundly in bed tonight and might wake up with purple polka dotted skin tomorrow. You might never have imagined that tomorrow you will receive a big shock that will change your life. And sometimes, there is just no time to let that piece of news digest. Sometimes, you just have to act on it and let reality sink in as time goes by.

And it sucks, I know. You might not even have the time to cry or to seek a solution somewhere else. But whatever happens ... it happens for a reason. And behind it all, is a blessing in disguise. And so much more benefits will come your way .......

Happy 2nd Anniversary

In just a blink of an eye we have met each other for 2 years. I still remember walking into a room with 19 other people who were just as lost as I was. But meeting each other as MA was very meaningful and even up to today. Well, some may have left and some remained, but all became not only colleagues but friends as well.

I know, 10 of us are missing and the trip would never be a complete one. But on our anniversary day, we've just got to have fun.

Being the stressed up people that we all are, we decided to hit the slopes and enjoy the cool air .... ooh, it was a good 15 degrees on Sat night! It was drizzling and it froze our toes (wasn't prepared for it to be that cold). Even the mist made visibility so low and it was dangerous to walk outside. Ahh, I love the cold and fresh air!

And what better way to enjoy our meet ups but with food? And a 3 hour long buffet. With games requiring the loser to eat wasabi with what ever left overs on the table! Then there is no better way to end the night than with cards and booze ... and lots of laughter!

Never knew Genting could be so much fun! Like I said .... its the company that counts.

My short trip to Hong Kong

The first thing I said to my travel partner Karen, 'Let's make this a relaxing trip .. we shall enjoy a little more sleep and we shall go with the flow .. no plans!'Whee.... I was in for a relaxing trip.

True, not much sight seeing, only a lot of shopping and eating. And to top the list, we ate loads of tun dan (double boiled egg) yum yum!Not forgetting our dim sum breakfasts where we shared tables with some uncles and just chatted the hours away. It made us feel so free and so HK-ite. And my polo buns and Vitasoy! Perhaps the coolest part was chilling out in a bar at Lan Kwai Fong!

I guess the highlight of the trip was walking into Wanchai police station. hehe, we often get to see the police in action in TVB dramas but this time I get to be in the picture. I got pick pocketed in Causeway Bay. Someone opened the zipper on my bag and pulled out the camera with the lanyard attached. Ouch! And my camera is only 3 days old! Bought it right before I boarded the plane to HK. Talk about luck ......... and there goes all my vacation photos.

Well, at least I got to spot a celebrity before I left. Bowie Lam .... super pleasant guy. And great actor too.

But the drama doesn't stop there. On the flight back home, my leg started hurting. I thought it was too cramped on the plane so I didn't bother much ... but I ended up hobbling down the steps and needed to be wheeled out of the airport. My ankle was red and swollen and couldn't even fit into my slipper any more. It REALLY hurt. So painful just to take a little step. Apparantly at the HK bus stop there were many big red ants. I must have got bitten and had an alergic reaction to it.

And the stupid doctor said that if I develop fever the next day, I might die ... what a way to scare someone. Good thing is, 2 days later I am not dead ... but the ankle is still red and swollen. wahaha! I get to rest my leg up high, sit back and do nothing. But its still back to work tomorrow but I get to wear slippers!

Where is my break?

I wonder what it feels like to have work of your mind. Perhaps its been ages since I have felt that way.

Big oopsie! Its 1.15 am and my mum just walked into my room.
"Are you working or are you just surfing?"
well .... I am working but at the same time downloading songs ... so what I am doing?

Can't really escape when your boss asks you to go check a mail at 10.50pm, can you?
But where has my balance gone?
What is night what is day?
What is work what is play?
What is personal what is the office?

Argh ... people have been nagging me to stop and go get a life!
My colleague is nagging me to go home at 6pm sharp but what good does it do when I get calls at night? I have been asked to take off days but what good is it when you get SOS-ed back to work. My friends ask me out for lunch but what good is it when someone keeps sending you texts? What good is it when you are on vacation when someone calls and says 'I know you are off today but can you do bla bla bla now?'

HELP!!! I know I make my own destiny but I need a break!!
I want to get away and just forget everything for a while.
I need to just shut of my brains and not be bothered by anything work related.
I need a nice log sleep in without being called at 8.30am sharp!
I want to be far from where it all happens.
I want to be alone yet be with someone to laugh and go crazy with.
I hope that my little break would come soon ... I NEED ONE!!

What .....???

I don't like this feeling but why can't I help myself out from this rut? I know where I am leading to but why don't I want to be saved? I know the answer to it but why won't I act on it?

It actually sucks to be living like this now. There is just this feeling inside of me. It just feels like I am cold all over inside (no I don't have H1N1)and as if I am sitting in a pressure cooker. Its not like I've actually cooked myself before but it just feels as if there is just a physical pressure on you, pushing your insides out. It makes you feel as if you want to dismantle your bones and piece them back like Lego pieces. No amount of stretching made me feel more comfortable today ... I'm not sure if curling up in bed will make me feel better.

Something is seriously wrong. When having 8 hours of sleep is not enough ... when snacking non stop just doesn't make you full ... when even the full blasting air cond makes you feel hot or when everything around you just doesn't make you smile from inside. I want a hug to let me feel safe. I want a pill to let me sleep well. I want brownie to let me feel warm inside. I want to be alone to see my self. I want to lock my self up and just let my mind go blank. I want to be away from people for a while.

I have tried cheering my self up but failed. Friends have taken me out but I hide it from them. Colleagues have been darting me with rubber bands but I just laugh. Happy times at work seems to be just a slide show in my eyes. I talk to friends I love but my emotions can't be found. Conversations that were meant to comfort just seems so much more painful. Pouring out your frustrations makes you feel like you've lost your safety shield. I feel like a robot. A heartless robot. Being a robot makes you miss out on so many things. I am a robot that has an empty mind. A robot who doesn't care less. A robot who cant control her own feelings. But there is one ...

And the feeling of being afraid has been there for the past few days. Its in my gut, in my heart and I can feel the chill in my spine (no wonder I don't like horror movies). There is no physical threat, I am in a perfectly safe space. There is nothing I did wrong or nothing to worry about. Yet this feeling is there. Its like I am just afraid of being afraid. I am afraid for my family and friends. I am afraid of losing the people I love. I am afraid of losing my pillar of support. I am afraid for the future and the past. I am afraid of things that will never happen. I am afraid of losing control. I am afraid of being vulnerable. I am afraid of letting go. I am afraid of the tears that will just flow for no reason. I am afraid of the stupid nose that is so stuck now. I am just afraid. I don't know of what. I'm just afraid of being me.

One big simple sentence

Didn't realize that so many weeks have passed since my last posting. And looking back, so many things have happened in those weeks. The many trips to and fro SG, the many heartaches and tensions, the numerous late nights (at work) and frequent calls.

But then again there are the happy moments. The delicious food! Seafood! Crabs! Chili's! Ice- kacang! Italiannies! Stuffed crust pizza! Old town kopitiam! My own fried rice! Secret recipe! Durian Buffet! Steamboat buffet! Drinks in Bkt Bintang ...haha no wonder my belly doesn't seem to go down.

And there were the little pleasures in life that makes you energized ... a silly dog nudging you up in the morning! Making lychee jelly! Finding a S$ 50 note stuffed in a jeans pocket you never wore for more than a month! Going up to Genting in the wee hours of the morning! Getting drenched in rain! Watching a comedy while munching chips! Receiving a card from a far away friend! Dinner with the pals! Its just excellent!

And there comes a time when a single sentence can change all your plans. That single sentence can doom you to eternity being stuck in the office. That statement made can have drastic effects to the people around you. I know sometimes we have to be selfish and love ourselves, but sometimes you need to care for your neighbours too. One simple sneeze can get you infected with H1N1 but in this case, one simple sentence can make someone's life so much more miserable.

Things do change and sometime people have to react differently. I do understand the rationale behind that sentence. I do see the need to express it but I never knew the impact it could bring. Who would guess that the bombings of Hiroshima could still have its nuclear effects 100 years later? Things just surface and it might be difficult to patch up. There is just so little of me but so much expectations. hmm.... what should I do.

Brain is busting and that little big sentence left me a little emotional. Perhaps even regretful. Fortunately I had a little time off to enjoy and clear my head. Did another of life's little pleasures! Read a novel while enjoying a nice cuppa of ice-blended mocha over lunch!

But then its back to work again ....

Where is the line?

What a way to end the weekend. Its Sunday, and perhaps my philosophy is true ... I hate Sundays. Its always the hottest day back home. There are always squabbles happening on Sunday and even the TV shows are crap on Sunday. But why does this shadow of black Sundays have to follow me across the border?

It was a good week for me the past few days. Busy but relaxing. Had some time to do some browsing on Orchard, had chance to eat some good food, had some laughs with friends and best of all ... had a good sleep while tucked in comfy-ly on my hotel bed. Had a great class over the weekend and gained so much insight. And all I wanted was a nice night in Bugis and go home happily with hands full of shopping bags .....

But NOOOOO!!!! Some people just don't understand boundaries. Perhaps some people don't have calendars or clocks at home. Perhaps they don't even have a life. Or their life is meant to make others' life miserable. And their weekend thrill is to be ridiculous and spread the joy of 'nonsenc-icle' crap around.

I mean, don't you know that the world doesn't evolve around you? Don't you know that different people have different thoughts, different shops have different prices or different dishes have different tastes? If you really want everything to happen on your own, DO IT YOURSELF! Or better still, ship yourself to an island and have everything there function to your own wants.

This calls for respect! Respect for other's time. Respect for other's rights. Respect for other's individuality. Respect for other's need to differ. And most important of all is to respect others if you want them to respect you.

Home Sweet Home

One week has passed and the first part of my adventure has ended. I haven't missed my home so much before, though it has not been the first time I was away for so long. I really am not sure how I am feeling right now.

On one hand, I really want to go home, to sleep on my own bed, to have my little brat poke me up in the morning, to have the luxury of lying on the couch and watching dramas. I am longing for that nice stretch under the warm comfy sheets. Can't wait to be put in trance by the constant spinning sounds coming from the old ceiling fan. I am looking forward to tomorrow morning when I do not need to set the alarm clock at all. Life has been so busy and hectic these few days. Non stop work and super late nights in the office.

Come to think of it, why am I doing this to myself? I am posted away for a while. Away from the office where I just have a task to perform, but without restrictions. There will be no one to watch what time I go home or what time I go for lunch. Yet, why is it that I stay up alone in the office till 10pm. Why is it that I do not have my lunch till 4pm? Is it really that busy? Can't work wait till a bit later? Why hasn't the pattern changed at all?

I asked my friend this … why are you doing this? Why are you torturing yourself? Where is your life …..... hmm, where is mine? I shouldn't be asking others when I myself have not found the answers. 'The pot is calling the kettle black'. And this answer only lies within my self. Only I am capable of answering it. To search withing my self and ask, what is it that I truly want?

And on the other hand, I don't really want to go home (ok, I need to .. my luggage is not packed for that long a journey). I want to try being away for a longer period of time. Perhaps it might be good that I am away from certain stimulants for a while. Perhaps iv might benefit from the time away, to have to time to recover or even to forget. Perhaps being apart might have its benefits too ….. I don't know, its time to evaluate and we'll see how the story continues to unfold.

Mr. Freaky 329

This trip to Singapore really brought me alot of exciting experiences. Nevermind the rest of the stuff but I think this brought the best highlight. Even though the trip ain't over, I don't think there could be a more interesting experience than this. .... well, its a good lesson for me to keep my big mouth shut.

So there I was with my luggage at the lobby of my hotel. Waiting for the check in procedure..... perhaps getting bored by the 'speed' of the hotel staff , and noticed another guest waiting there. And he asked me where I was from .... thus started our conversation about local food (he is from Kenya) and some sights in KL (he came from KL to SG). Finally we got our stuff done and went to the lifts together.

Bad decision ........ same lift ...... same floor ...... same aisle ........ and turned out that he is my neighbour. So I went in, put my bags down and then .... 'KNOCK KNOCK' .

... Do you want to get dinner? ...
... No I am tired, just finished work ...
... How about a short drink? ...
... No I just want to crash, good night ...

And that was it. Though I was starving, I was just feeling dreadfully tired and didn't want to socialize .... I mean ... who goes out with strangers just like that?

So a peaceful night sleep and a stressful day at work later, I reach the hotel at 10ish, with my packed dinner ..... KNOCK KNOCK.

... Want to go for a drink? ...
... No, I need to do some work and I'm having my dinner now ...

Fine, didn't hear from him for the rest of the night. Time to enjoy the comfy beds .......... zzzzz

... RING RING ...
... Hello? ...
... Click ...
What time was it? I don't know. All I know is that I was asleep.

... RING RING ... (I checked the time and it was 3am)
... Hello? ...
... Hi, I am Mooty from 329 . Are you asleep?...
... Yes ...
... (a whole lot of crap was mentioned ... I was asleep and could not register. But what made me wake up was ....
... Do you need company tonight? ...
... No ...

So a disturbed sleep and another stressful day at work later, I thought Mr 329 would give up. So I went back, unloaded my stuff and went out for dinner again. And when I shut the door behing me, walked halfway down the aisle, guess who came out? FREAKY!!!

I don't know what made me do such a stupid thing but I hid in the stairway till the coast was clear ... haha, I guess I did not watch enought TV that said stairwells are the most dangerous places to be. hmm... give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps it was coincidence that he was going out. Or was he really waiting for me?

I couldn't stand it anymore. I made a complain to the reception. They were really nice people. Asked me not to be afraid. And told me that if there is anything, don't come out of the room, call them and they will come up .. they will bring security ...... wahaha ... And the hotel staff actually waited till Mr 329 came back and gave him a warning. hehe, did that stop him? I don't know ...?

No one knows who gave me the 4 missed calls in the middle of the night ........ crazy person ..... thank god he checked out today ... FINALLY! I will get a good night's sleep ....

Lesson to be learnt ... don't be friendly with people in hotels ... especially when you are a girl traveling alone ...

Ces't la vie!

So here I am, typing on my mini laptop, missing my mac back home ... missing my i-tunes collection and everything about it that I seldom use but is addicted to. That's the thing about humans, the more you don't have it with you, the more you appreciate it. You'll slowly take it for granted but when it is not around, you long for the times when you can use it again .... and that's the thing with addictions ....... you can't keep your mind of it for long. Sheesh ... this is bad.

So its a new path for me, these 2 months. And I've got a project to do. Not just some lame old high school project but one that allows me to test myself, see my strenghts, allow me to grow, get me slapped and rudely awakened and perhaps, show me the light. This will probably change me in one way or another, I don't know, so people around me .... open your eyes.

In one way or another, you might say that I am on a path of discovery. I'm asking myself things that I do not know the answer too. And perhaps by the end of July, this answer might just be staring me straight in the face. It will be tiring I know .... but now's the time to do it ... so wish me luck.

I'm sitting here, my first night away, feeling a sense of joy, perhaps a little excitement of whats to come and maybe even a little fear of the uncertainty. But what I will miss is my soft bed, my family and friends, my doggie ... and my doggie!

Its true the past few months were crazy, really didn't give me any time to reflect or even live my life. Some one told me, you're only 20ish, why are you acting 40ish and killing yourself now. BOO!!!!! Its time to enjoy life .... and thats what I did .... took a little time off and just emerged myself into the world of cinematography last night.

Went for a movie marathon ... 3 shows back to back. Angels & Demons, Night at the Museum and Star Trek. (Well, 4 if you want to count the Shanghai Knights I watch on my way down) ... And what a way to cap it but with a large tub of Caramel pop corn and coke! Wahahahaha! This is life!

And my next marathon ......... Food! Buffet!

My rainbow after the storm

First of all, a big thank you to all of you who picked me up when I was a grump who almost sulked till my lips touched the ground. Thanks for throwing the rainbow back at me. Thanks for calling me a sunshine and letting me know there is happiness ahead. Thanks for taking me for Chocolate Mille Crepe! Yum

But after all the hardwork, I think I finally saw some results. My little project with the Westin KL finally kicked off ... can't wait till its inception in July. Its such a great sense of achievement to do something a little out of the ordinary ... something that can lead on to a better future perhaps. All I can say is that the Westin is just ....HEAVENLY! OK ... will not say more till we get the stamp from the GM.

And another great news is that I will be working my ass of to develop the Singapore center!! Yes, much ,more traveling, much more headaches and many more frustrations coming my way. But it will be the perfect opportunity to grow, to learn and to improve myself. It won't be easy, yes, but I get to challenge myself. Its a great measure to see how far I can go. It will be good to prove to myself that I can achieve what my heart desires.

So as a note to myself, JIA YOU!!!

.....

I clearly remember taking a day off today. Monday is my official off day, or so I say it is. By definition, an off day is when there is no talk of work, no hassles from the office, no unrealistic demands and no head cracking and mind bothering phone calls (well, at least this is what I hope it is).

Like I said, I might only get a physical off day ....... but I need an emotional one too. Was finally to have my first day away from work after 2 weeks. But what good is it when you still have to settle office stuff early in the morning. And what is the rational that you have to be called back to the office on your day off? And it isn't the first time that this has happened ..... Sometimes I feel that its even more relaxing to be in work than to be off work .....

So what am I doing back here in the office? Its the early evening and there is so much more life out there. Why am I limiting my self and selling my soul to the office? Why do I have to attend to all the issues in the office? Why do I have to obey others so much? Why am I jeapordizing my own happiness for the benefit of others?

I really want a day of silence. A day of rest where I don't have to be reminded of work at all. A day when I can spend my time doing the things that I want. Talk to the people I like, meet the people whom I enjoy their company or simply, let my mind drift..

I don't think its that complicated a thing to ask for? Everyone has their own right to freedom. Everyone has a right to their free space, their clean breath of fresh air. I want to get away and switch of my phone. I don't want to be bugged. Sheesh .......

Its my life, my time

Have you ever wondered how sometimes the time passes by so fast when you're having fun? Time for me is so precious, and to get a weekend free from work is almost impossible. The week came and left ... just like that. And where did the time go?

I KNOW! haha ... its a total waste of time ... but one of life's little pleasures for me is just lounging the time away, doing the things that I like to do ... perhaps you may say its pretty ridiculous. But if doing it makes me happy, then what the heck? JUST DO IT!

Don't laugh at the things I am doing ... like piecing together a 5000 piece jig saw puzzle and reassemble them (its addictive), knitting myself a second shawl even though there is no winter in KL (again its addictive), scrap booking my pictures from high school days (ah .. the memories), staring straight in my dog's eyes for hours (super cute) and watching reruns of dramas (the number one addiction).

And my latest craze, Japanese dramas that I don't have a clue on what they are saying ... thank god for sub-titles. hmm .. A good way to learn the language? Or I might just get distracted by good looking actors and actresses.

1 good recomendation .. 'My boss, my hero'. Its about this Yakuza head who has to go back to high school in order to get the crown. Its hilarious ... a serious dude acting like a high school kid? hehe you really can laugh your worries away.

So yup, sleepless nights for me, and never mind my panda eyes. This is what addiction is like. And I'm determined not to sleep till I finish this series .... another 12 chapters to go! I can do it! (and the only reason wwhy I am typing this entry now is because the drama is buffering)

My wish list

Its been an excellent 3 days of rest for me ... no doubt there was work in between but what really counted was being able to sleep in late and not having to rush around for chores.

I have half a day left to enjoy and this is what I really want. Reality aside (time constraints & monetary issues don't count as well), I would love to end my day like that. Like I said, its only my dream, but I seriously wish it could come true.

1. Expeience winter again (the heat in KL is killing me .. I want to enjoy the cool ness of nature ... just sitting there and appreciating mother nature)
2. Be surrounded by puppies & dogs (how innocent and happy they are. Just seeing them wag their little butts make you smile)
3. Go for ice cream buffet ....... and I must have Swenson's sticky chewy chocolate & Baskin's rum & raisin
4. Have a nice pampering body massage ..... all over ... (I may be a sadist but I enjoy the pain, and it feels good)
5. Watch a nice comedy (its always good to have a good laugh even though the story line might be crap ... and it helps if the cinema is freezing)
6. Go for dessert with friends ..... nothing beats having nice gossips with the girls over Bakerzin's dark choc cake (can't wait till next Friday!! Tiramisu is great as well!!)
7. Just lying in bed doing nothing but listening to your favorite music (that I can do very easily and I am doing it as soon as I reach number 10)
8. A bubble bath with lavander oil and soothing music in the background (who has a bath tub I could borrow?)
9. A nice snuggly cuddle ... and a nice back rub
10. Finally ...... someone to peel grapes and feed me as I lie in bed doing nothing but enjoying the rest of my lovely Sunday!

Doggies!!

The look of someone sleepy & couldn't care less

The look of pure white innosence

The evil look of a robber on the prowl

The look any confused cutie pies have

The look of a poor helpless soul at your mercy

The look of someone deep in meditation

The look of someone cheeky going to pounce on you

How I wish I could still cuddle my Zeus like this

I am not a junkie!

Is it really that difficult to get away from it all? I think its perfectly fine o have a day off. And when I mean day off, means you shut your mind off from anything work related, or the event that is causing you stress. No doubt we can't stop the mind from thinking of those issues .... but having to work with it or to deal  with it?

Work can be as addictive as marijuana. Yea, perhaps the public's perception of you would be better if one says your are a work-a-holic as opposed to being a marijuana-a-holic. But the effects are the same. The more you take it, the more you enjoy it. The longer you are furthur away from it, the more you think about it. And when you try to escape it, signs of it just keep bugging you. Do you notice when you are trying to cut out the drug, people will bug you and peer pressure escalates? Same goes with work ..... you will be stuck with it. Like it or not.

But for those with discipline, they leave a lee space for marijuana free days. Days when they can breath or days when they can escape from the side effects of it all. But can I escape? Perhaps only if I become an a$$ and shut of from the outside world. Perhaps I should hide in a cave where no one can reach me.

I try for these marijuana free days, but it doesn't exist in my life. People just inject me with it. And perhaps for me not to fall and die from the withdrawal symptoms ... perhaps I just need to open my arms and let me stab away.

Cool getaway

Just step out of your house today and you will notice the jam, the heat, concrete all around you, grouchy faces around you and not to mention the grime and dirt. But when you have to work perhaps 10 hours a day and 7 days a week, where do you get time to run away for a little while? To escape?

hmm, the answer lies just a little drive away from KL, in Cheras. Its the Look out point! Pretty near to 'little Genting' but even nicer as the have cafes and nice parking spots. Not to mention much safer than little Genting.

It was awesome that night. It was just after the rain, just after a delicious seafood dinner (loved the salted egg crabs) and all of us were high from pure laughter. We went to 'look out point' and there was mist! Exactly like Genting. Just the perfect weather .... a little chilly but not too cold .... sitting there by the excellent view of KL's night line .... with a nice cup of mango blended .... ahhh... a perfect little getaway!!

Sleep is important

I may not be a medical practitioner but there is one thing that I can prescribe to you .... SLEEP!
When ever you are not feeling well, or if there is something bothering you or if your brain seems to have stopped working or even if you are irritated to the brim with something, SLEEP!

I don't only mean your routine 6 or 7 hours of sleep, but more of a day's worth of sleep. And it never felt so good in ages! True, I may have been lacking in sleep for a while and stuff has been messing up my thoughts lately ... making me so easily irritated and groggy the whole day.

And a good sleep does wonders ... an afternoon in followed by a long nap .. followed by an early night in ..... That, my friends, is sheer pleasure! It just lightens you up! It brings back the sanity to your mind .. allows you to not worry so easily and prioritize your thoughts. It makes you realize that work is work but life is not all about work!

Is it the right time?

When you are young, perhaps it’s the best time for you to groom your future. Perhaps its time to grow your network, your experience, your bank book and even your mental capabilities. There is this Chinese saying that goes, ‘you should bend a bamboo while it is still young’ …. Ok, I might not be that young … and my bones are already cracking … can I still bend?

Where is my priority right now? I really don’t know … I know I want a steady structure and I also know I want a cushion I can fall back on. Its wise for me to secure my self right now but also wise for me to take a deep breath and analyze the situation. Should I choose to buy a 10 year financial plan package now or should I save up in the traditional FD for my retirement fund?

They say that opportunities only knocks once. And this one seems like a pretty good visitor. One that will of course give me happiness and show me a bright future or it might also be one who might bring me to the ultimate path via a short cut where I might hurt other people. So am I ready to meet this person who is knocking on my door?

Tour of the underground

Went to catch a movie last night with a group of friends after class. Watched 'Knowing'. It’s a pretty silly movie if you ask me. Perhaps it was actually a long advertisement trying to sell GPS navigators to those who want to save their own lives. Or perhaps it’s a movie that tries to debunk the facts from DSM IV and says that you are not crazy if you hallucinate and hear whispers.

What ever it is, I left the cinema laughing …. Thinking ‘oh! How happy those two kids will be’ (you’ll have to watch it to understand it.

Anyway the highlight of the movie only came after the movie, finding our car at B2 G2. Yea, the bad thing about 1 Utama is that they close most of the exits in the mall, shut of most carpark lifts and lock the staircase entrances. Its like a trap … a fire hazard, unless you want to jump of the balcony of the 5th floor carpark.

So there we were, walking round and round 5th floor till we finally found a lift … that only brought us to ground floor. Well, better than nothing. We went to the ground floor and made our way manually to B2 only to walk around and around and around. With no guards around and no red coded pillars around, we were lost. And being stuck in the basement, a flooding hazard, I was sweating like a pig.

Thank god we had 2 guys with us. If not I would have freaked out! So our next most rational thing to do was, go back to the ground floor and walk along the road side. At least I get a better bearing of where we are and where we can head too. So yup, we were stuck at the new wing but our car was at the hotel. Whee ….. we walked along the highway and crossed roads, only to walk back to the basement of the unloading bay.

It was the only area that had lights. So back into basement one and we walked round and round, trying to find a ramp, a flight of stairs or a lift that brought us to B2. None!! It was stuffy and stinking of garbage …. I can’t imagine this is 1 Utama. And along the way, we bumped into a few other stray lost kittens like ourselves … what kind of management is this?

Finally we found a guard on a bike … showed him the picture of our parking spot B2 G2 (thank god for camera phones) and guess what!!! HE DID NOT KNOW WHERE IT WAS!!!

But he took one of my guy friends around on his bike, searching for the car …. And it took forever. In the end, we found out that they had to exit 1 Utama, go in through the One World Hotel carpark and only through the unloading bay to B2 G2. This is the ultimate underground maze! And this adventure took us almost 50 minutes!!!

A lesson to be learnt! Always park near the cinema if you are watching a midnight movie! Never trust ‘MORE PARKING’ signs that lead you from the new wing to the old wing to the hotel … and most important of all … always carry pepper spray as you’ll never know when you’ll be lost in the basement again.

Mumm F1 Celebration Finale Party 2009 ft Valiram Group

Dressing up in your office toilet is pretty fun .... especially when you are looking forward to the event thats coming up. I love the big mirror and the yellow lighting ... but not good for applying make-up tho .... eesh ... that reminds me my dog actually chewed up my eyeliner ... sob sob, no smoky eyes. And it feels kind of good to go out in the middle of the work week for party!!

Went to Pavillion, KL for an event that my dearest Annie organized. The Mumm F1 Celebration Finale Party 2009 ft Valiram Group. haha okok .... it was an eye opener for me to. Going for an event where everyone was dressed up, sipping champagne, snacking on canapes and posing for cameras (the formal style). There were good looking people everywhere ..... really really good looking ones ... hehe Hanna Tan was one of them. Even the waiters there looked so smart.

Of course ... what do you expect? Its was an event for socialites and high flyers ... and lots of expats. hehe so it was a privilege to be invited. Were any F1 drivers there? haha ... I would not even know even if I stood right in front of one.

But all I know is that there is no 1 definition for party. It can come in any shape, size, musical background, environment or the crowd around you. And all I know is that with my friends around, any party would be a great party.

My free weekend

Its true that you'll never be able to appreciate life's pleasures until it is taken away from you. My weekends have been all taken away, but fortunately I had the opportunity to reclaim one. And oh .... the freedom and the joy ..... it was different, it was refreshing and unique.

I would never forgive my self for waking up at 7am automatically on a day when i didn't need to go to work. Why can't this alarm clock switch off by its self? But the good thing is, I have never felt so awake when I am awake at 7am. So a nice slow breakfast and lots of lazing around later, I went for a music therapy workshop. Well .... it wasn't up to my expectation but I quite enjoyed it. They explained how different sounds sooth different emotions etc and even brought us through a 30 minute relaxation using music as a tool. Very cool!! And then there was massage with music and aromatherapy with music ... That makes the investment worth it.

And nothing beats spending your Saturday gossiping with good friends. So 3 of us girls went to KLCC Chilis and chatted the day away. Thank god for bottomless drinks. And ooh ..... the honey roasted chicken fillet really saved the day too .... so yummy!! Can't wait to go back for more. Its sweet yet sour with a tinge of spicyness. The fillet is so crunchy yet tender and juicy inside. Served with chips and margerine laded corn on cob .... its the perfect dish! Highy recommended ... can't wait for more!!

Food seems to counter any anxiety or stress you have. And when a surprise came from JB last weekend, what else could we do but eat? We girls went to Delixious for dessert ... sinful sweet stuff .... and just the thought of it in your mouth makes you happy! The sugar in it also gives you the extra energy and kick to do more stuff .... like shopping in Masjid India. hmm ... its something different. Walking around the shops, looking at Indian accessories, trying on sarees and Punjabi costumes ..... a totaly girlish adventure .... hehe. And to end the day, I bought my self a new suit! Not sure when I'll wear it though .... perhaps Deepavali?


Linda's Lemon Merangue Pie. Its crispy on the outside and the lemonish cream just melts in your mouth. Its so fresh and zesty!
Juliette's Chocolate brownie and ice-cream. If only I were this rich I'll be happy. It full of chocs and it has the bitter sweet feeling. The cake is warm and topped with ice- cream ... this dessert is just the best creation ever. My Berrilicious Chocolate Pavlova ... love the berries! So fresh and sour! Makes my mouth water. And the pavlova is just like rice crispies. Crunchy when you chew it but it just melts if you leave it on your toungue.

So we ended the day with food again. Saravanan Bhavan ...... serves excellent North Indian vegetarian dishes. Its really unique, the sweet Kasmiri naan, the blended spinach with cheese and the devil potato! Yum Yum. ooh ... I can't forget the mushroom curry too!

Wonderful weekend eh? Freedom + lots of weight gained!

The rain after the sunshine

A lesson learnt: Never eat durians after a cheesy meal in Italiannies. You'll suffer each time you burp or fart.

But after 3 weeks of work non-stop, pressures and datelines, I finally had space to breath last night. The results could be seen but of course mess was kicked up along the way. Is everyone happy of the outcome? I don't know ..... perhaps we have become robots ... too mundane and too emotionless .... but now that the burden is off, a little pampering does well.

So it was off for dinner and movie with my best girl! Went to Italiannies for my favourite stuffed mushroom and cheese. It never tasted so good! And the best relaxer of all ...... gossiping with your best friend over good food! Oh, my stomach is growling over the thought of dinner now ....
So there .... you all know my weakest spot now! I'll do anything for Italian food and cheese.

Went to pamper my self more after that. Chick flick @ The Garden's GSC Signatures! We watched the premier of 'Confessions of a shoppoholic'. Well, the movie wasn't that great, but you get to learn a lot from it. If you pay attention to the dialogue, or morals .... its a great plot. Will analyze it soon.

But what I enjoyed the most was sitting on the soft big reclining chair and enjoying a good laugh .... perfect way to let go of all the stresses. Its worth the slightly higher ticket price hehe! Its been ages since I last watch a movie, Wall-e I think, so I really felt reenergized after that.

Thought my happiness will last for a while ..... but come morning, something happened in the office. No not me .... I am in safe territory, but it hurts to see the war around, the words that can slice you apart and the accusations that burns your ears. Hope tomorrow will bring an end to this war. But until then, I am left wondering. Will it rain or shine tomorrow?

Random ravings

argh .......... Am I getting old or why am I so tired?

Even with a good night's sleep I am still lethargic throughout the day.
And by night fall, I am pooped .... there goes my life.

By 8pm, I am not back home yet. By 9pm I have no mood for dinner. By 10pm, nothing in the world matters but my nice comfy bed.

When will this pattern end?
Short term, it will end by this month ....... long term ..... perhaps when we hold the white flag up.

I want to run and hide. But I am not made of glass. I want to switch of but the button in me is on auto on. I need to pull the plug but don't think other wise. I want to just forget but I am being flooded by the environment. I need an extra pair of hand but I can't find it.

In simple words .......... I am blah!

I'm tired

Off to Singapore again and back on Monday. In a way I am dreading tomorrow morning when I have to lug myself to the very unfriendly bus station ... but in another way I am also looking forward to this trip where I can just crash in the hotel after work.

No doubt, work will be crazy this weekend. Friday ... lots of people to meet, Saturday & Sunday ... lots of politics to play. But when night falls ... its nothing but me and the 4 walls. Well, I might get bored and visit a mall or I might get a bag of chips and chomp it down while watching a movie ... we'll see how my mood goes.

But the past month has been pretty tiring for me. Bali was fun but energy draining. My terrible bug left me being dopey for another week or so. The office has been a mess since I was away and there are so many corrections to be done ... argh ... I hate back tracking things. Its recruitment time again and things are neurotic everywhere ... papers, calls, unrealistic demands, dreadfull calls and unlimited harrassments.

The price of adventure

Right now sitting here I feel like I am high on some psychedelic drug. My mind is floating and there is just this perception that my legs are not touching the ground. Its just amazing how I can be typing this entry in words that make sense.

Since I came back from Bali on Monday night, I haven't been well. Definitely I will blog about the trip ... but not till my mind is back straight again. For the past 3 days, I have been sleeping at least 20 hours per day??? Felt like a pig ............. The fever came with a package .. vomiting, cought, sore throat, flu ... The fever never seemed to go away. Temperature was always high 102 to 104....... till this afternoon, felt a little better. Then came this whoozy breezy feeling ....... perhaps like what a junkie experiences (hehe, to tell you the truth, I don't know what that feels like)

During my trip in Bali, I climbed up to Mount Batur, a volcano, and hurt my foot during the process. But that is part of the fun. I was limping around Bali for the next 2 days. I was also stupid enough not to take care of the wound. So I went for hot springs, walk on the beach, play with wild animals, paragliding ... not bothering about the foot.

And you know how you never feel tired when you're having fun? I never felt sick while in Bali (tho there was once I actually felt like puking cos it was too painful), until I came home and feel ill. My leg actually swelled so much that I could not fit into my slipper. My whole body was heating up already ..... so I went for a tetanus jab. Yup, that cleared my mind a bit, at least now I do not need to worry abut infections ..... but the side effects are horrible. And I hope this fever dissapears soon!!

Once upon a time, this girl called Nicole loved to eat Fish & Chips. But she was afraid of trying it at this particular place, A Star restaurant. In her mind, it was a little over rated, she heard bad reviews before, she was afraid it will be pricey and she didn't know what other type of food will be served there. But her friends tried to convince her to try it and sort of dragged her there.

She loved the taste of the food, the ambience, the friends she went with, the memories and it turned out that the Fish & Chips was delicious. A Star restaurant became her favourite destination.She can't stop talking about it now, recommending it to her friends and wants to try the other varieties there. Only problem is that A Star is situated too far away from her home and she can't make it there on her own. The cost of the dishes there is also way too expensive.

So the only thing Nicole can do is to think about it. She held the memory about it as the best, tastiest, freshest and the dish that gave her the happiest smile. She never had Fish & Chips again after that as she didn't want another Fish & Chip to replace that of A Star's. In her mind, she is always imagining the crispyness of the fish.

She kept the name card of the restaurant for she has the hopes of returning. But once, her mother accidently threw the card away. She was dissapointed as it seemed to have broken the link of her and of A Star.

Time passed but she still held on to her wish of re visiting A Star. She still held on to not eating Fish & Chips. But now, she was invited to her friend's party in A Moon Restaurant to have Fish & Chips. And its an invite she can't refuse.

New taste perhaps? New ambience, new friends, new adventure ..... but a lot closer to home. She is afriad of going to A Moon. Not sure if the first bite of the Fish & Chips there will ruin the memory of A Star's. Not sure if the memory of A Star will slowly fade away. She is not sure if she will enjoy the party. While getting ready for the party, she didn't feel excited (like she normally will .... she felt it was a chore), instead she felt scared.

I have tried advicing her to think otherwise. I have told her that what remains in your memory will be there forever. But now I am lost for words. Nicole is actually on her way to A Moon now. What else can I say to her except 'Good Luck'.

What would you do?

MA/FL 2007 Reunion

Its been a whole year since I left the bank but the one thing that I did not leave was the other 18 people that I met in the group. I still remember during one of the meetings when we were asked 'What is the best thing you have gained from this Management Associate/Future Leader program?' I answered .....'knowing the other 18'. haha, I know I should have answered the knowledge gained or the experiences in a financial org. Perhaps that would score me a bigger bonus but what I said really came from my heart.

We went through the vigorous interview process together, sat through hours and days of trainings together, explored and drew up projects together, had fun and food together, our numerous crazy nights and gossips together .... all would not be forgotten. I still remember my last day when you guys made me cry ... EVIL. But now you guys keep making me smile ... ANGELS!!

Though a few of us have parted ways, we are all just a call away. And its really lovely to see all 19 of us back together again. Well, it might not be in a UOB meeting room but Italiannies seems like a good meeting place as well. The group was big, yup, it was difficult to talk to everyone. But yet we managed to share so much, update each other and laugh at each other.

Looking back, it was a good experience. A lesson to be learnt and a good story to be told. What impact it had on me .... I don't know. All I can say is .. NO REGRETS! Everything happens for a reason. And I am proud to have you guys as friends!

Reality of routines

Post vacation, post Chinese New Year, post non- stop eating adventures and post house hoppings ..
. now its time to get back to our daily routine ... wake up, go through the traffic, get to work, lunch in front of the PC, get off work when its dark, go through traffic again, eat dinner in front of the TV, read a book, go to sleep and it repeats itself again.

I even get bored by typing it. But I guess thats the sad reality of life. Work life gets routined. And like it or not, we have to work for survival. True .... some may say that you can make your work your hobby and enjoy it. That is the way you perceive it ... I really enjoy my job, no doubt ... but its just so time consuming. Week nights are taken up, weekends are gone for classes ....and in other words, there goes my life ....

And sometimes, the work just squeezes all the juices out of your mind. It just becomes a shrivelled up piece of dried prune .... its only purpose of existance is to keep you alive so you can go through the same old routine the next day. Perhaps working 8am to 9pm is normal for some .. but to do it non stop and to be the only one in the office holding the fort???? It can kill ......

So its really up to us how we want our lives to be like. Go out for a nice dinner with friends, go watch a movie or just laugh at someone .... it feels good. And once in a blue moon, when your long lost cousin comes to town ... go for a drink and gossip till midnight! You'll never know what your friends have to share .... you will learn a thing or two or even get enlightenment. hmm .... it seriously makes me ponder ...

But yes, work may be tiring, and after a long day at work, you just want to go home, take a shower and play with your dog. Just remember that it is up to you to put some life back in your life. Pick up that phone and make that date ..... its just amazing how friends can put the energy back into you poor limp and drained out body. My korean kim chi .....here I come!!

Japan day 9

Sob sob! Its the last day in Japan. So many pleasant memories and I am not prepared to leave. If only I had no responsibilities back home and I am blessed with a wallet that replenishes itself. I guess thats the wonder of vacations .... a short excape.

But the whole day was spent packing, saying goodbyes and of course traveling. Time was short so we kind of rushed everything till we reached the airport. It was then when we finally had our late lunch, last minute shopping and lounge lazing (the stoopid plane was delayed). We should have taken a last group picture .... too bad I didn't think of it ... but here's a bright happy one!

Back to my sweet Malaysia that is forever hot yet cosy and where the people I love are back home.

Reflections of the trip? Good weather, good friends, good conversations, good memories, good experiences and it was a spark plug. Igniting me for more adventures to come. I must say that the day I agreed to come on this treip is a day I made a very right decision. A desicion I did not regret at all! Cheers to Japan and the company I had on the trip!

Japan day 8

Another lazy day for me to sleep in while the rest went for practice. Didn't join the girls for breakfast but instead, armed with a hot bottle of coffee and a red bean bun, I did what I have been wanting to do for so long!! Read a book n the park. And it feels great, crossing your legs while swinging on the kiddy swing and reading the Da Vincci code. But after a while, my ass hurt from the little swing so I took a walk around the village .........ooh so peaceful !! Back to the tea cup in the park for more reading!! Ahh .... the little pleasures of life.

See? You don't need to buy fancy cars or dine in 5 star restaurants to get a kick out of life. Its already the last day in Japan and my shopping mood has not kicked in yet. But anyway, the few of us went down to town for last minute souvenior shopping. A short trip but all our purposes were met. Back to Machida for dinner .... a quick one and back to the rooms ...... though the night was still young.

Sake night!!!!

5 of us cramped in the room ...... taking shots of sake and having fun just chatting away. Well it was a little serious talking in the begining and things just got a little crazier after that. The sake was so smooth and it didn't have the usual burnt musky taste and it just didn't seem to have any effects while shooting them down. But the power just came suddenly. hehe, lesson to be learnt, don't take shots with alcohol you are not familiar with. Its weird how we could let go on one hand but not let go on another? It just an expression that I can't express ... Perhaps metaphorically, its like singing a song without words.

Well, more could be said about our Sake night but its best to be kept in Japan. wuahaha ...

Japan day 7

An exciting day for all of us as Sugawara Sensei was bringing us to the Katori shrine. To the place where the art all began. So more than 30 of us packed into cars for a road trip that cannot be forgotten. Delegates from around the world all became tourists and were brought around by our lovely hosts. And a big thank you for all their effort.

Katori shrine was about 2 hours drive away and to get there, we had to drive in this underwater tunnel, come out onto an island and then back into another tunnel. See the wonders of transportation? Now I know why they say that tolls in Japan can cut your throat. But on this 'island' the feeling was just superb. It was windy, everyone was happy and in high moods and it just seemed like a perfect sunny afternoon! A short lunch after that and we were back on the road ...

The shrine is just like any other shrine... its true ... a pebbly path, lots of steps and almost the same kind of architecture. But its beautiful, the black wood, the gold paintings and the wonderful carvings on the walls.... so intrincally designed. But one magical property of that spot .... its wonderful ages trees. They stood so majestically, giving you the feel of a collosial imperial Japan. Superb!! Then we went a little more into the alleys to the orignal shrine and a tablet of respect ... But you need to know its history for you to really understand the wonders of the shrine. Originals are always the best.

After waiting for the whole group to gather,(pretty long too ... thats the trouble with big groups) we made our way to another shrine ... the Kashima shrine. It was already dark when we got there. Couldn't see much but I know that it was FREEZING!! At night, in the woods with not much lighting?I thought it would be freaky, but we are in a sacred place after all. So yea ,,,, shrines may be the same everywhere but it really depends on the company you are with. Everywhere is beautiful if you know how to appreaciate it. I guess it is really me. .. I am the type that enjoy the company around me, not so much of where I go or what I do. hehe in other words, I am easily happy (but still freezing my ass off)

Back we go to Machida. And its the first day of the lunar new year. A very important day for us Chines, so we wanted to have a nice dinner!! At first, we thought it would be the few of us, but surprise surprise!!! Everyone joined us!! It was a happy big family dinner ... Went for an excellent syabu syabu dinner!! Totally satisfying .... hot pot on a cold winter day!!! I think I am falling in love with Japan!