In the Prime Minister's Office

Is it worth all these hassles? Endless of heart attacks, hours of frustrations, moments where you reach the tipping point or even thoughts that race through your mind that is so terrible that it should not be repeated.

I am tired and I don’t want to go. I don’t want to meet anyone or I don’t want to smile when I don’t feel like. I cant put on a fake front or act ‘plastic’ as well as some people do. I’d rather have a peace of mind and stay in my humble world where the people are sincere and are out there for the benefit of others. NOT in a world where people are selfish, insensitive and down right greedy.

Well, at least I have a story in which I can tell my grandchildren. Yes, I worked my ass off, fried my brains and possible have my mind screwed up and all I got was a chance to meet the Prime Minister, and some very lovely royalties as well. It was a good experience, walking into the posh Putrajaya, being escorted up the lift, passing by rows of body guards and following protocols just to sit down. Then there was protocol of asking permission to speak or for permission to go to the toilet (yes, you will be escorted there too).

I’m too darn tired to mention what the whole event was but all I know is that I am proud to have been in the prime minister’s office, over looking the whole Putra jaya. I am darn proud to have rubbed shoulders with some people really high up on the hierarchy and glad to sip tea with them in an after event. Yet … I am pissed off enough to want to forget the whole incident and not event leave a space in my mind for it.

Random thought #1

I was just thinking, wouldn't it be nice if there is a McDonalds outlet here in Phileo Damansara as well? Then lunch times won't be so boring. And I can get all the fries in the world .... and our days would become happier!

Why do you think Happy Meal was invented?

But then again ... how fat would I be then? 150 kgs with love handles everywhere?
But the urge is just to strong .... bah, and by the time I order delivery, my fries would be soggy and squishy!

I am my destiny

Yup... I am still in this rut. And its getting bigger and bigger by the day. Its not only affecting me but this pandemic is seriously spreading. Its only a matter of time when it blows. Or there will come a time where the test tube holding the virus will break and all hell will spill over. Then it would be so much fun to watch the after effects.

People around are suffering but everyone wants to be happy and live stress free ... then it hit me. We are our own destiny. We can choose to take the shit either negatively or positively. Or perhaps we can take the shit when we are supposed to, and after our duty ... your shit is yours. My life is mine and its fresh and smells nice ...... bah!!

So ... I have responsibility over how I feel. Shut the stress out and do the things that I truly enjoy. Going out with friends, pigging out on good food, pampering myself with massages, listening to music or just sweating it out. Yup, life is short! So enjoy!

In my mind

I am seriously considering ... is it all good for me? I am willing to risk my health and happiness? Is all the stress worth it? Is it really worth me pushing on for something which is not mine?

I am not even appreciated where I am. Why am I slogging on so much? Why am I trying my best? Why am I doing things that are against my principle? Why have I become so different? Why did I wake up so late in my life? Why have I wasted all these time?

It is not only yours, but my reputation as well. I have a life to live. I have a name that I want to keep clean. I have a stand that I want to take. I have a brain that can think what is right or what is wrong. And I have a right to be me.

The world is big out there. Why should I be limited here? Why did I think that you can give me so much. Why did I agree to be stuck in this rut? Why am I going in this direction? I want to jump and I want to fly. I want to leave you and see you die ...(wahaha it rhymes)