My favorite month

I’m addicted to August! August is definitely a good month … and there is more of it to come! It’s the time to max out my fun and the time to enjoy life to the fullest. Hmm….. now I amt thinking hard how I spent my August in 2008? But its ok …. I live in the present and I plan for more thrill in the future. Life is short, so enjoy!

The month started with a trip to Genting. And it was a very refreshing start! So cold … so much laughter and so many crazy events. Then there were dinners and shopping trips and just meet ups over the weeks.

Not to forget the little trip to Port Dickson. Its our first outstation trip with the gang, true! It was so much fun! Well … the beach there sucked, can you imagine walking on pebbles instead of sand? Never ever will I dip my head in a sea full of mud! But it was still a beach after all with breeze, a sunset and a peaceful scenary.


And when the sun came down, our hunger went up. BARBEQUE!!!! Yum yum … lots of work but lots of fun! We practically brought everything from KL here just for the 4 hours of fun. Well, eating burnt food, snapping photos and just sitting there by the beach while gossiping is more than worth it. Did I mention that I love August?

The events doesn’t stop there! Its karaoke night!! Great plans with great people! The night started with some kiddish fun in the arcade, shooting bad guys and popping bubbles …. Ah, those were the days. Then there was 6 hours of singing/ screaming and dancing in the little K room. Tiring ….. but well worth the effort. But even at 3am, it was too early to end the day … I don’t grow a year older everyday. So it was drinks again till the morning …. Hehe dammit …. I forgot I had to go to work the next day.

It can happen to anyone of us

You should be thankful when you wake up every morning. And thankful again when you go to sleep at night, knowing that you have led a healthy day. Who cares if your day was crap or full of stress? The good thing is that you know you have a mind to think on, a healthy body to bring you home and perhaps enough energy to climb onto your bed.

Perhaps now I know why dogs like to make a few circles and rounds before slopping down on their spot to sleep and let out a contented and sleepy moan. Perhaps its their way of saying, 'I am satisfied with my day, thank you.'

You'll never know what may happen to you tomorrow. You might sleep soundly in bed tonight and might wake up with purple polka dotted skin tomorrow. You might never have imagined that tomorrow you will receive a big shock that will change your life. And sometimes, there is just no time to let that piece of news digest. Sometimes, you just have to act on it and let reality sink in as time goes by.

And it sucks, I know. You might not even have the time to cry or to seek a solution somewhere else. But whatever happens ... it happens for a reason. And behind it all, is a blessing in disguise. And so much more benefits will come your way .......

Happy 2nd Anniversary

In just a blink of an eye we have met each other for 2 years. I still remember walking into a room with 19 other people who were just as lost as I was. But meeting each other as MA was very meaningful and even up to today. Well, some may have left and some remained, but all became not only colleagues but friends as well.

I know, 10 of us are missing and the trip would never be a complete one. But on our anniversary day, we've just got to have fun.

Being the stressed up people that we all are, we decided to hit the slopes and enjoy the cool air .... ooh, it was a good 15 degrees on Sat night! It was drizzling and it froze our toes (wasn't prepared for it to be that cold). Even the mist made visibility so low and it was dangerous to walk outside. Ahh, I love the cold and fresh air!

And what better way to enjoy our meet ups but with food? And a 3 hour long buffet. With games requiring the loser to eat wasabi with what ever left overs on the table! Then there is no better way to end the night than with cards and booze ... and lots of laughter!

Never knew Genting could be so much fun! Like I said .... its the company that counts.

My short trip to Hong Kong

The first thing I said to my travel partner Karen, 'Let's make this a relaxing trip .. we shall enjoy a little more sleep and we shall go with the flow .. no plans!'Whee.... I was in for a relaxing trip.

True, not much sight seeing, only a lot of shopping and eating. And to top the list, we ate loads of tun dan (double boiled egg) yum yum!Not forgetting our dim sum breakfasts where we shared tables with some uncles and just chatted the hours away. It made us feel so free and so HK-ite. And my polo buns and Vitasoy! Perhaps the coolest part was chilling out in a bar at Lan Kwai Fong!

I guess the highlight of the trip was walking into Wanchai police station. hehe, we often get to see the police in action in TVB dramas but this time I get to be in the picture. I got pick pocketed in Causeway Bay. Someone opened the zipper on my bag and pulled out the camera with the lanyard attached. Ouch! And my camera is only 3 days old! Bought it right before I boarded the plane to HK. Talk about luck ......... and there goes all my vacation photos.

Well, at least I got to spot a celebrity before I left. Bowie Lam .... super pleasant guy. And great actor too.

But the drama doesn't stop there. On the flight back home, my leg started hurting. I thought it was too cramped on the plane so I didn't bother much ... but I ended up hobbling down the steps and needed to be wheeled out of the airport. My ankle was red and swollen and couldn't even fit into my slipper any more. It REALLY hurt. So painful just to take a little step. Apparantly at the HK bus stop there were many big red ants. I must have got bitten and had an alergic reaction to it.

And the stupid doctor said that if I develop fever the next day, I might die ... what a way to scare someone. Good thing is, 2 days later I am not dead ... but the ankle is still red and swollen. wahaha! I get to rest my leg up high, sit back and do nothing. But its still back to work tomorrow but I get to wear slippers!

Where is my break?

I wonder what it feels like to have work of your mind. Perhaps its been ages since I have felt that way.

Big oopsie! Its 1.15 am and my mum just walked into my room.
"Are you working or are you just surfing?"
well .... I am working but at the same time downloading songs ... so what I am doing?

Can't really escape when your boss asks you to go check a mail at 10.50pm, can you?
But where has my balance gone?
What is night what is day?
What is work what is play?
What is personal what is the office?

Argh ... people have been nagging me to stop and go get a life!
My colleague is nagging me to go home at 6pm sharp but what good does it do when I get calls at night? I have been asked to take off days but what good is it when you get SOS-ed back to work. My friends ask me out for lunch but what good is it when someone keeps sending you texts? What good is it when you are on vacation when someone calls and says 'I know you are off today but can you do bla bla bla now?'

HELP!!! I know I make my own destiny but I need a break!!
I want to get away and just forget everything for a while.
I need to just shut of my brains and not be bothered by anything work related.
I need a nice log sleep in without being called at 8.30am sharp!
I want to be far from where it all happens.
I want to be alone yet be with someone to laugh and go crazy with.
I hope that my little break would come soon ... I NEED ONE!!

What .....???

I don't like this feeling but why can't I help myself out from this rut? I know where I am leading to but why don't I want to be saved? I know the answer to it but why won't I act on it?

It actually sucks to be living like this now. There is just this feeling inside of me. It just feels like I am cold all over inside (no I don't have H1N1)and as if I am sitting in a pressure cooker. Its not like I've actually cooked myself before but it just feels as if there is just a physical pressure on you, pushing your insides out. It makes you feel as if you want to dismantle your bones and piece them back like Lego pieces. No amount of stretching made me feel more comfortable today ... I'm not sure if curling up in bed will make me feel better.

Something is seriously wrong. When having 8 hours of sleep is not enough ... when snacking non stop just doesn't make you full ... when even the full blasting air cond makes you feel hot or when everything around you just doesn't make you smile from inside. I want a hug to let me feel safe. I want a pill to let me sleep well. I want brownie to let me feel warm inside. I want to be alone to see my self. I want to lock my self up and just let my mind go blank. I want to be away from people for a while.

I have tried cheering my self up but failed. Friends have taken me out but I hide it from them. Colleagues have been darting me with rubber bands but I just laugh. Happy times at work seems to be just a slide show in my eyes. I talk to friends I love but my emotions can't be found. Conversations that were meant to comfort just seems so much more painful. Pouring out your frustrations makes you feel like you've lost your safety shield. I feel like a robot. A heartless robot. Being a robot makes you miss out on so many things. I am a robot that has an empty mind. A robot who doesn't care less. A robot who cant control her own feelings. But there is one ...

And the feeling of being afraid has been there for the past few days. Its in my gut, in my heart and I can feel the chill in my spine (no wonder I don't like horror movies). There is no physical threat, I am in a perfectly safe space. There is nothing I did wrong or nothing to worry about. Yet this feeling is there. Its like I am just afraid of being afraid. I am afraid for my family and friends. I am afraid of losing the people I love. I am afraid of losing my pillar of support. I am afraid for the future and the past. I am afraid of things that will never happen. I am afraid of losing control. I am afraid of being vulnerable. I am afraid of letting go. I am afraid of the tears that will just flow for no reason. I am afraid of the stupid nose that is so stuck now. I am just afraid. I don't know of what. I'm just afraid of being me.

One big simple sentence

Didn't realize that so many weeks have passed since my last posting. And looking back, so many things have happened in those weeks. The many trips to and fro SG, the many heartaches and tensions, the numerous late nights (at work) and frequent calls.

But then again there are the happy moments. The delicious food! Seafood! Crabs! Chili's! Ice- kacang! Italiannies! Stuffed crust pizza! Old town kopitiam! My own fried rice! Secret recipe! Durian Buffet! Steamboat buffet! Drinks in Bkt Bintang ...haha no wonder my belly doesn't seem to go down.

And there were the little pleasures in life that makes you energized ... a silly dog nudging you up in the morning! Making lychee jelly! Finding a S$ 50 note stuffed in a jeans pocket you never wore for more than a month! Going up to Genting in the wee hours of the morning! Getting drenched in rain! Watching a comedy while munching chips! Receiving a card from a far away friend! Dinner with the pals! Its just excellent!

And there comes a time when a single sentence can change all your plans. That single sentence can doom you to eternity being stuck in the office. That statement made can have drastic effects to the people around you. I know sometimes we have to be selfish and love ourselves, but sometimes you need to care for your neighbours too. One simple sneeze can get you infected with H1N1 but in this case, one simple sentence can make someone's life so much more miserable.

Things do change and sometime people have to react differently. I do understand the rationale behind that sentence. I do see the need to express it but I never knew the impact it could bring. Who would guess that the bombings of Hiroshima could still have its nuclear effects 100 years later? Things just surface and it might be difficult to patch up. There is just so little of me but so much expectations. hmm.... what should I do.

Brain is busting and that little big sentence left me a little emotional. Perhaps even regretful. Fortunately I had a little time off to enjoy and clear my head. Did another of life's little pleasures! Read a novel while enjoying a nice cuppa of ice-blended mocha over lunch!

But then its back to work again ....