My short trip to Hong Kong

The first thing I said to my travel partner Karen, 'Let's make this a relaxing trip .. we shall enjoy a little more sleep and we shall go with the flow .. no plans!'Whee.... I was in for a relaxing trip.

True, not much sight seeing, only a lot of shopping and eating. And to top the list, we ate loads of tun dan (double boiled egg) yum yum!Not forgetting our dim sum breakfasts where we shared tables with some uncles and just chatted the hours away. It made us feel so free and so HK-ite. And my polo buns and Vitasoy! Perhaps the coolest part was chilling out in a bar at Lan Kwai Fong!

I guess the highlight of the trip was walking into Wanchai police station. hehe, we often get to see the police in action in TVB dramas but this time I get to be in the picture. I got pick pocketed in Causeway Bay. Someone opened the zipper on my bag and pulled out the camera with the lanyard attached. Ouch! And my camera is only 3 days old! Bought it right before I boarded the plane to HK. Talk about luck ......... and there goes all my vacation photos.

Well, at least I got to spot a celebrity before I left. Bowie Lam .... super pleasant guy. And great actor too.

But the drama doesn't stop there. On the flight back home, my leg started hurting. I thought it was too cramped on the plane so I didn't bother much ... but I ended up hobbling down the steps and needed to be wheeled out of the airport. My ankle was red and swollen and couldn't even fit into my slipper any more. It REALLY hurt. So painful just to take a little step. Apparantly at the HK bus stop there were many big red ants. I must have got bitten and had an alergic reaction to it.

And the stupid doctor said that if I develop fever the next day, I might die ... what a way to scare someone. Good thing is, 2 days later I am not dead ... but the ankle is still red and swollen. wahaha! I get to rest my leg up high, sit back and do nothing. But its still back to work tomorrow but I get to wear slippers!

Where is my break?

I wonder what it feels like to have work of your mind. Perhaps its been ages since I have felt that way.

Big oopsie! Its 1.15 am and my mum just walked into my room.
"Are you working or are you just surfing?"
well .... I am working but at the same time downloading songs ... so what I am doing?

Can't really escape when your boss asks you to go check a mail at 10.50pm, can you?
But where has my balance gone?
What is night what is day?
What is work what is play?
What is personal what is the office?

Argh ... people have been nagging me to stop and go get a life!
My colleague is nagging me to go home at 6pm sharp but what good does it do when I get calls at night? I have been asked to take off days but what good is it when you get SOS-ed back to work. My friends ask me out for lunch but what good is it when someone keeps sending you texts? What good is it when you are on vacation when someone calls and says 'I know you are off today but can you do bla bla bla now?'

HELP!!! I know I make my own destiny but I need a break!!
I want to get away and just forget everything for a while.
I need to just shut of my brains and not be bothered by anything work related.
I need a nice log sleep in without being called at 8.30am sharp!
I want to be far from where it all happens.
I want to be alone yet be with someone to laugh and go crazy with.
I hope that my little break would come soon ... I NEED ONE!!

What .....???

I don't like this feeling but why can't I help myself out from this rut? I know where I am leading to but why don't I want to be saved? I know the answer to it but why won't I act on it?

It actually sucks to be living like this now. There is just this feeling inside of me. It just feels like I am cold all over inside (no I don't have H1N1)and as if I am sitting in a pressure cooker. Its not like I've actually cooked myself before but it just feels as if there is just a physical pressure on you, pushing your insides out. It makes you feel as if you want to dismantle your bones and piece them back like Lego pieces. No amount of stretching made me feel more comfortable today ... I'm not sure if curling up in bed will make me feel better.

Something is seriously wrong. When having 8 hours of sleep is not enough ... when snacking non stop just doesn't make you full ... when even the full blasting air cond makes you feel hot or when everything around you just doesn't make you smile from inside. I want a hug to let me feel safe. I want a pill to let me sleep well. I want brownie to let me feel warm inside. I want to be alone to see my self. I want to lock my self up and just let my mind go blank. I want to be away from people for a while.

I have tried cheering my self up but failed. Friends have taken me out but I hide it from them. Colleagues have been darting me with rubber bands but I just laugh. Happy times at work seems to be just a slide show in my eyes. I talk to friends I love but my emotions can't be found. Conversations that were meant to comfort just seems so much more painful. Pouring out your frustrations makes you feel like you've lost your safety shield. I feel like a robot. A heartless robot. Being a robot makes you miss out on so many things. I am a robot that has an empty mind. A robot who doesn't care less. A robot who cant control her own feelings. But there is one ...

And the feeling of being afraid has been there for the past few days. Its in my gut, in my heart and I can feel the chill in my spine (no wonder I don't like horror movies). There is no physical threat, I am in a perfectly safe space. There is nothing I did wrong or nothing to worry about. Yet this feeling is there. Its like I am just afraid of being afraid. I am afraid for my family and friends. I am afraid of losing the people I love. I am afraid of losing my pillar of support. I am afraid for the future and the past. I am afraid of things that will never happen. I am afraid of losing control. I am afraid of being vulnerable. I am afraid of letting go. I am afraid of the tears that will just flow for no reason. I am afraid of the stupid nose that is so stuck now. I am just afraid. I don't know of what. I'm just afraid of being me.

One big simple sentence

Didn't realize that so many weeks have passed since my last posting. And looking back, so many things have happened in those weeks. The many trips to and fro SG, the many heartaches and tensions, the numerous late nights (at work) and frequent calls.

But then again there are the happy moments. The delicious food! Seafood! Crabs! Chili's! Ice- kacang! Italiannies! Stuffed crust pizza! Old town kopitiam! My own fried rice! Secret recipe! Durian Buffet! Steamboat buffet! Drinks in Bkt Bintang ...haha no wonder my belly doesn't seem to go down.

And there were the little pleasures in life that makes you energized ... a silly dog nudging you up in the morning! Making lychee jelly! Finding a S$ 50 note stuffed in a jeans pocket you never wore for more than a month! Going up to Genting in the wee hours of the morning! Getting drenched in rain! Watching a comedy while munching chips! Receiving a card from a far away friend! Dinner with the pals! Its just excellent!

And there comes a time when a single sentence can change all your plans. That single sentence can doom you to eternity being stuck in the office. That statement made can have drastic effects to the people around you. I know sometimes we have to be selfish and love ourselves, but sometimes you need to care for your neighbours too. One simple sneeze can get you infected with H1N1 but in this case, one simple sentence can make someone's life so much more miserable.

Things do change and sometime people have to react differently. I do understand the rationale behind that sentence. I do see the need to express it but I never knew the impact it could bring. Who would guess that the bombings of Hiroshima could still have its nuclear effects 100 years later? Things just surface and it might be difficult to patch up. There is just so little of me but so much expectations. hmm.... what should I do.

Brain is busting and that little big sentence left me a little emotional. Perhaps even regretful. Fortunately I had a little time off to enjoy and clear my head. Did another of life's little pleasures! Read a novel while enjoying a nice cuppa of ice-blended mocha over lunch!

But then its back to work again ....

Where is the line?

What a way to end the weekend. Its Sunday, and perhaps my philosophy is true ... I hate Sundays. Its always the hottest day back home. There are always squabbles happening on Sunday and even the TV shows are crap on Sunday. But why does this shadow of black Sundays have to follow me across the border?

It was a good week for me the past few days. Busy but relaxing. Had some time to do some browsing on Orchard, had chance to eat some good food, had some laughs with friends and best of all ... had a good sleep while tucked in comfy-ly on my hotel bed. Had a great class over the weekend and gained so much insight. And all I wanted was a nice night in Bugis and go home happily with hands full of shopping bags .....

But NOOOOO!!!! Some people just don't understand boundaries. Perhaps some people don't have calendars or clocks at home. Perhaps they don't even have a life. Or their life is meant to make others' life miserable. And their weekend thrill is to be ridiculous and spread the joy of 'nonsenc-icle' crap around.

I mean, don't you know that the world doesn't evolve around you? Don't you know that different people have different thoughts, different shops have different prices or different dishes have different tastes? If you really want everything to happen on your own, DO IT YOURSELF! Or better still, ship yourself to an island and have everything there function to your own wants.

This calls for respect! Respect for other's time. Respect for other's rights. Respect for other's individuality. Respect for other's need to differ. And most important of all is to respect others if you want them to respect you.

Home Sweet Home

One week has passed and the first part of my adventure has ended. I haven't missed my home so much before, though it has not been the first time I was away for so long. I really am not sure how I am feeling right now.

On one hand, I really want to go home, to sleep on my own bed, to have my little brat poke me up in the morning, to have the luxury of lying on the couch and watching dramas. I am longing for that nice stretch under the warm comfy sheets. Can't wait to be put in trance by the constant spinning sounds coming from the old ceiling fan. I am looking forward to tomorrow morning when I do not need to set the alarm clock at all. Life has been so busy and hectic these few days. Non stop work and super late nights in the office.

Come to think of it, why am I doing this to myself? I am posted away for a while. Away from the office where I just have a task to perform, but without restrictions. There will be no one to watch what time I go home or what time I go for lunch. Yet, why is it that I stay up alone in the office till 10pm. Why is it that I do not have my lunch till 4pm? Is it really that busy? Can't work wait till a bit later? Why hasn't the pattern changed at all?

I asked my friend this … why are you doing this? Why are you torturing yourself? Where is your life …..... hmm, where is mine? I shouldn't be asking others when I myself have not found the answers. 'The pot is calling the kettle black'. And this answer only lies within my self. Only I am capable of answering it. To search withing my self and ask, what is it that I truly want?

And on the other hand, I don't really want to go home (ok, I need to .. my luggage is not packed for that long a journey). I want to try being away for a longer period of time. Perhaps it might be good that I am away from certain stimulants for a while. Perhaps iv might benefit from the time away, to have to time to recover or even to forget. Perhaps being apart might have its benefits too ….. I don't know, its time to evaluate and we'll see how the story continues to unfold.

Mr. Freaky 329

This trip to Singapore really brought me alot of exciting experiences. Nevermind the rest of the stuff but I think this brought the best highlight. Even though the trip ain't over, I don't think there could be a more interesting experience than this. .... well, its a good lesson for me to keep my big mouth shut.

So there I was with my luggage at the lobby of my hotel. Waiting for the check in procedure..... perhaps getting bored by the 'speed' of the hotel staff , and noticed another guest waiting there. And he asked me where I was from .... thus started our conversation about local food (he is from Kenya) and some sights in KL (he came from KL to SG). Finally we got our stuff done and went to the lifts together.

Bad decision ........ same lift ...... same floor ...... same aisle ........ and turned out that he is my neighbour. So I went in, put my bags down and then .... 'KNOCK KNOCK' .

... Do you want to get dinner? ...
... No I am tired, just finished work ...
... How about a short drink? ...
... No I just want to crash, good night ...

And that was it. Though I was starving, I was just feeling dreadfully tired and didn't want to socialize .... I mean ... who goes out with strangers just like that?

So a peaceful night sleep and a stressful day at work later, I reach the hotel at 10ish, with my packed dinner ..... KNOCK KNOCK.

... Want to go for a drink? ...
... No, I need to do some work and I'm having my dinner now ...

Fine, didn't hear from him for the rest of the night. Time to enjoy the comfy beds .......... zzzzz

... RING RING ...
... Hello? ...
... Click ...
What time was it? I don't know. All I know is that I was asleep.

... RING RING ... (I checked the time and it was 3am)
... Hello? ...
... Hi, I am Mooty from 329 . Are you asleep?...
... Yes ...
... (a whole lot of crap was mentioned ... I was asleep and could not register. But what made me wake up was ....
... Do you need company tonight? ...
... No ...

So a disturbed sleep and another stressful day at work later, I thought Mr 329 would give up. So I went back, unloaded my stuff and went out for dinner again. And when I shut the door behing me, walked halfway down the aisle, guess who came out? FREAKY!!!

I don't know what made me do such a stupid thing but I hid in the stairway till the coast was clear ... haha, I guess I did not watch enought TV that said stairwells are the most dangerous places to be. hmm... give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps it was coincidence that he was going out. Or was he really waiting for me?

I couldn't stand it anymore. I made a complain to the reception. They were really nice people. Asked me not to be afraid. And told me that if there is anything, don't come out of the room, call them and they will come up .. they will bring security ...... wahaha ... And the hotel staff actually waited till Mr 329 came back and gave him a warning. hehe, did that stop him? I don't know ...?

No one knows who gave me the 4 missed calls in the middle of the night ........ crazy person ..... thank god he checked out today ... FINALLY! I will get a good night's sleep ....

Lesson to be learnt ... don't be friendly with people in hotels ... especially when you are a girl traveling alone ...