One week has passed and the first part of my adventure has ended. I haven't missed my home so much before, though it has not been the first time I was away for so long. I really am not sure how I am feeling right now.
On one hand, I really want to go home, to sleep on my own bed, to have my little brat poke me up in the morning, to have the luxury of lying on the couch and watching dramas. I am longing for that nice stretch under the warm comfy sheets. Can't wait to be put in trance by the constant spinning sounds coming from the old ceiling fan. I am looking forward to tomorrow morning when I do not need to set the alarm clock at all. Life has been so busy and hectic these few days. Non stop work and super late nights in the office.
Come to think of it, why am I doing this to myself? I am posted away for a while. Away from the office where I just have a task to perform, but without restrictions. There will be no one to watch what time I go home or what time I go for lunch. Yet, why is it that I stay up alone in the office till 10pm. Why is it that I do not have my lunch till 4pm? Is it really that busy? Can't work wait till a bit later? Why hasn't the pattern changed at all?
I asked my friend this … why are you doing this? Why are you torturing yourself? Where is your life …..... hmm, where is mine? I shouldn't be asking others when I myself have not found the answers. 'The pot is calling the kettle black'. And this answer only lies within my self. Only I am capable of answering it. To search withing my self and ask, what is it that I truly want?
And on the other hand, I don't really want to go home (ok, I need to .. my luggage is not packed for that long a journey). I want to try being away for a longer period of time. Perhaps it might be good that I am away from certain stimulants for a while. Perhaps iv might benefit from the time away, to have to time to recover or even to forget. Perhaps being apart might have its benefits too ….. I don't know, its time to evaluate and we'll see how the story continues to unfold.
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